Concealed Sorrow Remix (video version)

from by Theory Hazit & Toni Shift

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about

Concealed Sorrow is inspired by a true story told by Dr. Tony Campolo, Professor Emeritus of Sociology, Eastern University. As a youth, Campolo experienced a fellow classmate, Roger, which happen to be a male homosexual, go through turmoil the time his lifestyle was exposed. Campolo and his friends would take part in shaming the young man, daily. One day, when the young Campolo was absent from school, his friends decided to take their judgement to the next level by performing extremely horrible activities. That night, Roger went home, laid in bed into the late hours, made his way to the basement with a belt, then hung himself. Roger was found dead around 2 am.

Dr. Campolo, now a Christian, deeply regrets not befriending and showing the love of Jesus to Roger. I wrote Concealed Sorrow hoping that the church would listen, watch, and perform the love of Christ to all that struggle, not just in the gay/lesbian community. While people face these challenges some remain silent and empty, but all are in search a God. Family members, friends from high school, and co-workers also inspired the song and short film, Concealed Sorrow. I pray that Christians would step up and be as we are called...play our position. This song is definitely a cry for help, a cry for God and his people.

lyrics

Things ain't been the same since mom passed away.
I just wanna go away.
I just wanna go...

Verse 1:

The name's Nicolas. Named after my dad
But I get ridiculed and called names like "fag" and "homo"
My real friends call me Nicky
I'm an only child born in the Twin City
Living with my biological pops isn't pretty
He agrees with the bullies at the school out to get me
It's cool though..one day I'll run and hide
And never to return to the place I reside
Until then, I have to settle with a disguise
Hiding who I really am from my father's eyes
Sexually confused is what "they" label me, telling me
All types of diseases from "A to Z" are deadly
And playing these medleys over and over
Singing the same washed up song trying to go sober
Deep in the shadows I search for some type of deity
And escape to a place where there's a freer me.

Chorus:

I just close my eyes and pray to God
Wishing away fear 'cuz life so hard
And I'm tired of being told of what I don't need
But the question is: who 'you really want me to be?
So I keep on faking, I keep on crying
I keep on cutting, I keep on dying
I keep on faking, I keep on crying
But I hear a voice saying keep on

Verse 2:

Now back to bullies. They hope and wish they could be gangsta.
This burden's like an anchor
Roasting me at lunch time, having a fun time
Kicking gay jokes and all until the sunrise
"funny ain't it...you feel better"
I say with a smirk as I'm putting on my sweater
I walk by and one sticks his foot out to trip me
It clipped me. I fell so hard it made my lip bleed
They grabbed my ankles and dragged to the restroom
Emptied out my bookbag yelling out "eff you"
"welcome to your funeral" smacked me with minerals
That come from an old corroded, out of order urinal
Stripped me naked, they were foul and onry
Forced me in a corner and began pissing on me
Spit on me then left, I know Jesus wept
I stayed in the corner balling, all I see is death

Chorus

Verse 3:

I came home that night with my head hanging low
And just today, depression's like 8 and 0
My dad asked: 'how was your day?'
Same ol same ol, but I'm all right. He's like "way to go!"
Went to the bathroom and turned on the shower
Locked the door and silently cried for hours
Laying on the floor, staring at the ceiling
Trying to over come the scariest feeling
My dad leaves the house, slamming the door
I felt the tremble laying on the bathroom floor
I get up and move to the hallway, pacing
I stop and gaze at the stairs by the basement
Grabbed my belt then I headed down stairs
Tied the belt to the rail then I unfolded the chair
Stepped up no fear, belt around my neck
I changed my mind, tried to get down but then I slipped

credits

from Concealed Sorrow, released August 2, 2011

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